BEZERKA FREAKA FRACKIN FRICKA AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

THAT IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!!!

That is how we both feel…how the kids feel in regard to waiting on the visas,..some sort of positive email saying they have cleared and we will be getting our visas in the mail ASAP…….and the hoping of them being accepted so we can go… H-O-M-E!!

In fact,………..the scene would look a little more like this………..with crickets chirping in the background……

and on the inside,…….Adam and I are burning up to be with each other! He even painted a picture about it!

so,…while the elevator music has been playing for twenty years and the automated operators telling us we

 

“will be received in the order in which we received your request, sorry for any inconvenience”

 

have even begun to lose their voices on the other end of the line……

we just keep praying.

Right now it is the only thing we can do aside from being there for each other everyday on Skype and fighting temptations and things that aggravate or stress us out, which keep getting flicked at us to test us and that could tear us apart while we are separated.

Adam says all the time, we are at the sharp end of it and this is what we signed up for. We knew it would be hard, but we also KNOW how WONDERFULLY WORTH IT… ALL…of it is to be together.

My husband and I vow to each other everyday in our hearts and out loud to each other and in written emails, our devotion and love…to be there to support through the tears and encourage through the physical, spiritual and mental frustrations…to inspire each other to keep waking up everyday to live for and give all for our future together, to keep to one another, forsaking all else, cleaving to the vows (sacred promises) we made before GOD. We are both understanding the fullness of what LOVE entails, learning what it means to truly LOVE and BE LOVED.

With the amount of prayer and effort we are putting in, surely GOD will see us all together soon,…so we will not look so much like this…….

We want to definitely thank everyone else for their all their help and prayers too!!

I love you, Adam, always in ALL ways XXX

The Waiting is Agony!

I have to let you know that the last 6 weeks have been agony for both Tammy and I 😦

Waiting for a decision from the British Consulate in New York is, without doubt, one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, and we still know nothing about our fate! By nature, I’m a positive person and I take some comfort in knowing that our application is strong and professionally compiled, but it is extremely difficult to feel positive amid this process.

If it’s rejected then we have some major mountains to climb and I know both of us are willing to wait for each other and will do whatever it takes to be together, but I also know it will take its toll on us and our families; as it’s affects them as well 😦

As I told you before, Tammy’s health is under attack as the whole process wears on her, this adds to my feelings of pain and frustration, I wish I could do more for her, to look after her like a good husband and best friend would.

She never ceases to amaze me with her inner strength, she believes herself to be weak, yet I know she’s amazingly strong! Her life story is one of many trials and tribulations, yet she has always managed to pull herself up off her knees and face the next day with the same beauty and grace; as she faced the last. If ever there was a measure of strength it is this and I’m so happy and proud to be her husband.

It’s been 14 weeks since we last held each other and I miss her terribly!

She has brought so much happiness and love into my life, I have never felt so good and I know Tammy feels the same way, it really is an amazing thing! So much so that we are prepared to go through this agony to be together forever 🙂

Adam x

Ripple effect….growing together in a better world

“…the husband’s responsibility [is] to provide his wife with peace of love and understanding, permanence, and security in provision of trust.”

 

My new husband is always exercising loving headship, servant leadership qualities, holds to his responsibility to the family to uphold TRUST and HONOR and looks to the welfare and conduct and direction of himself and I and our children. He promotes the Bible as a tool for living upright and guiding us to the best standard of life. he does NOT work to tear down the foundations of our marriage and family with lies or unbeknownst actions of treachery against the marriage promise. His goal is the happiness of us all and NOT of just himself. Because of this, I can learn TRUST again and have hope in a better future and can give my children the best upbringing while both parents are on the same team working together in LOVE, not just in DUTY,for the same goals in the relationship. This relationship means a better environment and allows for all of us to thrive and have peace and happiness. We then can share what peace is in our hearts and our happiness with those around us. It also causes our children to grow up with better standards and ideals for how good adult relationships should be for them. It has the ripple effect. Look at how that works 🙂

Optimism and Despair

So it’s been a long while since I’ve posted and that is a reflection of how hard life has been for both Tammy and myself recently; being apart really is like falling into an Abyss!!

 

This Abyss tries it’s hardest to suck every drop of positive energy from you and leave you in despair.

 

Optimism and Despair (by Scott Breton)

We’ve been apart now since the 14th July and I don’t mind admitting that I’m depressed about that and I know that Tammy is too! We both know that in time that will be sorted and we can get on with our life together, but let me tell you; this isn’t for the faint hearted!!

 

Since I’ve been gone I seen my wife’s health degenerate and I’m convinced that some of this is down to us being apart. I’m a firm believer in that a positive outlook is really beneficial to our health, where a depression can cause acidity to eat at your health from within.

It’s upsetting to see the one you love struggling and not be able to be there and have that loving cuddle of reassurance 😦 Optimistic words can only go so far in helping and after a while I’m sure they can actually become irksome as your reassurances are repeated; I’m sure that sometimes Tammy’s thinking “if he says that again I’m gonna scream!”

Where are we?

A little over 2 weeks ago we submitted Tammy’s application to the British Embassy for acceptance as my Spouse to live in England, a little over 2 weeks ago we believed that (as stated on the UK Border Agency’s website) that 85% of settlement visa where processed within 15 working days; yet we were dismayed to discover that the New York’s office is averaging 39 working days!!!

This is not helping…….

State of Mind

Over the last few years and months I’ve learnt a lot about myself, the most important of which I consider to be my ability to go easy on myself, especially when others are having a go! I’ve taken to this mantra, if you are trying your best, giving it everything you have then you should be comfortable with yourself, you can do no more! Conversely, if I know I’ve been slacking then I’m setting myself up for sleepless nights!

Living by this philosophy has provided me with a defensive shield which protects me for the worst the world can throw at me, believe me it’s so easy to go overboard on yourself; which in turn leads to self doubt and fear.

Secondly, I’ve have, by default, become a far more patient man, this is a blessing and affords me the will power I need to stay faithful to my goals, ambitions and most importantly my wife!

In the past we have both been dealt a rough hand by those we loved, but now we have found each other we will never give up what we have for anything and in time the positive, healing effects of being in a mutually loving and respectful marriage will pay dividends to our wellness!

 

Respect and Peace!

Adam x

2 Separate Lives…….soon to be 1 life…..

So,…..I have no real pictures to share.

I haven’t really taken any lately.

But I thought it would be a good thing to update how our first two months of marriage have gone. and mostly facts and not sugar coated….because this is real life and not just some story.

Life No. 1- Adam (A.K.A. Prince Positive Hot Pants Magpie Charming…so super sexy and missed) and kids in the UK.

He gets up on Mondays, which he hates, and goes to work, but as soon as he is there he is all sociable and digs into everything he has to do. He works very hard and very accurately and very ingeniously all the way until Friday. Only on one occassion has he sort of gone slower than norm just because he wasn’t in the mood to crunch 20,000 number and handle quality issues and handle project issues and handle molding issues and handle meeting issues, especially with co-workers who lose their tempers…which we all know can happen from time to time. He emails me to ask how my day is and to wish me a good day. he tells how good his day is and that we will soon be together and how much he loves me and sends three kisses. He has even sent me a poem here and there and a pic of him smiling at meXXX. He is always there for me….no matter what.

AT WORK…. He deals with management that is above him complaining they are not working hard enough and and yet the projects they want them to get done are always interrupted by putting out all the small fires of mess up’s and quality issues and people not going by the book or slacking off in a different area……too many indians and not enough chiefs, I say, but the company he works for has a quota to meet and all they can see is it should get done immediately and with out delay and despite any other problems that may arise…they don’t care as long as it all gets done and the numbers meet up to expectations! Everyone is worked overtime,..without overtime…sound like America?

He then spends the rest of his time doing small chores around home playing with his kids, going to the movies or renting a movie to watch with the kids, playing games with the kids, going to aquariums or finding new and fun things to do with them, eating Chinese curry take-out with a bottle of red wine, going to family get together dinner parties and going to barbeques with either friends or family and birthday parties and camping by the sea,….going shopping for the boys here and there and making music on his new birthday gift, Reason 6, or going to pubs with friends from work. He has some nights where he does nothing but stay in.

He doesn’t have his boys everyday….. two times a week and then weekends, unless their mom keeps them that weekend, or Adam has plans.

We did for a time share reading books together online, over Skype, but then time schedule differences and other things happened and we kinda let that go by the way. We had read Fahrenheit 451 and started into Pride and Prejudice. He got this idea a few months ago from another blog he was reading. He was involved in watching the runners in the Olympics and really was excited about it! and also he has been watching Alex Jones,…his favorite non-politician and Youtube for everything.

In the evenings when he is tired…and should be sleeping,..he winds up skyping me ( which makes me feel guilty because he has work or has to get up early because he has plans for the next day to go out with the kids ) and we stay on too long because it is the only time we get. But sometimes we do cut it short for him to get sleep when he works earlies. He does have shift work.

On weekends we sometimes get longer time on Skype and sometimes get to talk to Lewis and Jack as well….mostly Lewis,…Jack is always involved in something else, but Lewis will talk from time to time, if he can get away from the X-box..lol and he is very sweet and nice to talk to. Alot of times, Lewis and Bryant ( my son) spend hours on the computer talking shop…..games and showing each other games while Adam does whatever in the house and Jack plays in the garden. The time difference is a pain in the butt and so is the reception on Skype at times, but neither of us would trade it, for we would go mad without it. It is the only way we see each other.

So,..after making time for me as he has already spent himself on everything else prior ( he never wastes a day ), he brushes his teeth and “hits the hay”. And unfortunately my fault,…he has stopped sending me alot pictures of all he does during his days because I complain he is always having fun without me and he says he feels like he is rubbing it in when he sends pictures of how great everything is there and how much fun they are having. Adam has been soooooooooooo very, very good to me and makes sure he is always good to me and all the kids. He is patient and understanding. he puts up with me alot! he tries to help me with homework when he is tired. He even sends money to try and help out with school things for the kids and sometimes gas and hopes enough is left over we can do something a little fun, but things do not always work out that way for us to get to…and it may be tter for me not to spend so we have it around longer when we need it. I have a thing about asking him for money..it bugs me,..always been that way though….I just feel like a kid who should expect a scolding for having spent the money I already had been given, but it goes to the things it should and isn’t being wasted away on crap….I do not know….I am weird, I guess…lol

Life No. 2- Tamara and kids in America

Pretty much every day is the same.

Monday-Friday (during summer) kids slept until 2pm in the afternoon because they stayed up all night watching movies and or on Facebook. We went to see one movie since Adam has been gone and we went to the park about three or four times in the afternoons.

When everyone would wake, they would be told to eat there breakfast and do their chores, loading/unloading the dishwasher, take out the trash, change the litter box clean up their rooms and clean up any mess they left in the living room or bathrooms if I hadn’t already done those chores myself or a couple of them and a couple my mom.

After chores, they watch t.v. we can’t afford gas everywhere and do not go anywhere really most of the time. We stay home and we watch movies or do chores. We have 24 animals we have to feed and clean up after as well as ourselves. Sometimes we all sit and watch movies together and or zoey will play hair and makeup on me or school or babydolls with me. Madison doesn’t play with toys, but she does do art with me sometimes…if we have time. The kids have been with me 24/7,…as usual, but …..

School has started back.

Monday-Friday we get up at 6:00. I wake  and go turn on the laptop so while kids are getting ready I can email Adam and answer his emails or send him one saying i love and miss him and what the night/day was like so far…I wake Alex first. She has to leave the earliest. Her school is a 17 minute drive there and back in another town. We leave by 6:45, though the last two days she has not been ready and it has been 7, making me have to speed to get the other 4 kids to their two different schools.

I am back here by 7:35 to drop off other two kids at the elementary down the road from us and pick up the rest of the kids…however,….last two days Zoey has been getting up to ride with me and so has Madison.

I drive the next two kids 2o minutes to the next school in the next city, in morning traffic, sometimes speeding a little here and there to shave off a minute or two which counts when you are trying to beat the tardy bell….too many tardies and the get an absence.

When I am back:

My school is also in session, so I make a choice when I get back to do chores and grab a protein shake, or grab a shake and do homework and break later for chores. It usually takes about 2-2:30 to get it all done enough to go on to my homework. I have about 4-5 hours of homework a day and sometimes more if there is a big assignment like what I have now. Yes,…I did finish my essay to Jo Mosely for the scholarship application. 458 words.

Now I have a total of 243 pages to read in separate books, 3 quizzes in three classes and a 4-6 page interview on Childhood with analytic study by Friday.

After school there is no time for my own homework, it is all about trying to get on Skype to talk to Adam before he has to go to sleep and in the middle of all that have constant interruption with the kids shoving papers for me to read and sign, telling them to get a snack and then get on their homework, checking homework agenda’s going over bad grades and good grades and hearing all about each kid’s day…they all take turns at times telling Adam about their days at school. then after homework it is dinner and chores and showers if any take them and get ready for school the next day. And then I send Adam an email most of the times saying good morning to him, for when he wakes.

I spend an hour after he says hello to all the kids when they come home from school, talking to Adam about many things and alot of which is mostly him trying to reassure me that things are okay and will be fine and that he loves me and cannot wait to be with me.

Me, I am alot of times down in the dumps and feeling completely left out of his life save for Skype…and me,… maybe I am not being the best newlywed wife in not always being cheerful for him and full of smiles like he is, super happy and everything is great,….instead of complaining how I miss him and how everything here sucks without him and how I wish we were there living the life he is living.

We are married.

But we live two lives apart. We live vicariously through words on screen and /or words spoken on screen and love the phone calls anytime he can make them now since he updated skype to call anywhere on his cell phone……I never know when I will pick up the phone and it will be him……and I am always happy when it is. he hears the giggle in my voice…..

It is really different,..this relationship, and it really hurts. He always tells me the BEST is yet to come…that things will all sort out …soonly…and I know it, deep inside…….

I also know he is the BEST. I know he is worth it and I know WE as a FAMILY are worth it. XXX I wouldn’t give him up for anything in this world…. I WOULDN’T!

IN THE MEANTIME:

We have finished getting all the things together for the visas and I am waiting the delivery of the package from our attorney, so I can fill it with all the original documents and go to our fingerprinting biometrics appointments on the 4th and 5th of September. Then I will overnight ( which is a JOKE how much it freaking costs!!! 138 dollars plus tax!!) the package with the biometrics added to New York for the British Consulate to go over.

Once they have read the supporting material and application, they give you the thumbs up and send you the visas….We hope it will be soon…we are trying to leave by first week of October, but you know Governments can be slow a times with documents. I am nervous. I will not lie. I am anxious and very nervous about it….only because I want the visas so much!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND WANT OUR FAMILY TOGETHER!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ XXX

So,..there is the update on our lives at the moment.

Galveston, Oh Galveston!

It seems like an age since our marriage and I miss Tammy terribly!! She’s my dearest friend and the most amazing woman a man could ever hope to have as a wife. It’s been a month since we tied the knot and when i think of that it cheers my heart knowing that we hopefully only have 6 weeks to wait until we are together again…..for good!!

However that is not the focus of this post, before that I’d like to share with you some of the photo’s and experiences of our honeymoon in Galveston.

For those of you that don’t know Tammy yet, let me start by saying she is the most considerate and thoughtful person. She never stops thinking about and planning for the things she needs or wants to do / achieve; she has a beautiful mind!

In typical male style, I’d never really thought of our honeymoon until Tammy said “I know where we could go!”

Well, she really hit the jackpot with this idea! In Galveston she’d made the perfect choice!

We were both very excited at the prospect of spending some quality time together, alone, a luxury that we know will be hard to come by in the future, with that in mind we made the most of our romantic break to the Gulf of Mexico!!

Our trip to Galveston would be the first occasion on which I’d drive in the states and I was very excited at the prospect of driving on their freeways, although I was a little anxious when the weather decided to take a turn for the worse.

In America, it’s commonplace for you to be undertaken by massive trucks, at great speed, even during a thunderstorm, rather disconcerting whilst you are aquaplaning beside them!

Despite the rain I really enjoyed the 285 mile (5  hour) trip, which saw us drive SE through Texas to the Gulf coast.

We spoke loads and it was really nice just to spend some time together, full of excitement about our honeymoon and the fact that we were now man and wife, something we both knew we would be from the moment we met.

Houston, Texas

The end of our drive was close as we passed through Houston, a city which was remarkable in that it looked and felt exactly like Dallas to me, however it is an amazing sight to see these skyscrapers jetting upwards towards the heavens 🙂

I love this picture!! Taken on the outskirts of Galveston I think the striking lines make this a great shot, especially when you when you consider we’re driving, great picture babe!!

This squadron of pelicans swooped directly over our car and were so graceful as they decided to escape the stormy weather which I guess they knew was coming lol. Wicked!

The beautiful Coppersmith Inn (Bed and Breakfast) was to be our honeymoon retreat for the next 2 days and Tammy really had scored a gem of a place when she found this, I can’t recommend this highly enough, without doubt a 5 star experience!!

Our room was amazing! Old character and beautifully furnished!!

What a dish!! The oysters weren’t bad either 😉

I’ll admit that I was quite apprehensive about eating these oysters, I think I’d only ever had one before and after a terrible tangle (gastroenteritis) with a prawn baguette many years ago, I’ve always shied away from raw fish or shellfish. I will say that they were sensational, served with a fiery horseradish sauce, lemon and another spicy dip on a crunchy biscuit base they went down a storm!! (thankfully they stayed down too!)

One of Tammy’s favourite pictures, she loves the clouds and I think she’s right, these are the stairs to our room at the Coppersmith.

God!! How lucky am I!!!

These photo’s were taken on our walk from the Coppersmith to the beach, it was warm but damp, with occasional showers that were later to turn into a mini hurricane!! Lol, I’d left the wettest weather in history in the UK and came to Texas and found it raining!!

Love this photo of a pavement that had grown up with the trees!!

Galveston beach isn’t the prettiest beach in the world, but it does have bags of character, the sea wall being one of the famous sights of Galveston, a mural that spans the length of the beach, is abstracted with paintings of imaginary fish, quite nice how it cheers up what would otherwise be a very plain object.

The fishing peer

Baywatch the Galveston way!

The hall of the Coppersmith Inn, a really grand building!

Galveston has made its living off  the oil fields at sea and the seafood. Once it was a rich city and it boasts many old and grand buildings, but they often suffer from devastating hurricanes and as such it does look a little dilapidated in parts, and there are many unoccupied buildings and homes.

We spent a brief but very enjoyable (windswept) 2 days in Galveston, managing to have a 5 star meal one night and a night in with a pizza and a film, it was lovely spending time with my lovely wife.

It was time to leave and go and spend the remainder of my visit with the kids and we had some plans to make the most of our time. So we made our way home and on right on queue the rain lashed down, but as we drove home to Lancaster I couldn’t help but think that I was the luckiest man alive!!!

The driving rain!

The man that created a city!

I hope you enjoyed the photo’s of our honeymoon, there were many more and eventually I’ll get them up on facebook, but I think these are some of the best that we took. Photography is another interest we both enjoy and I look forward to a life of geekyness with Tammy, where we can indulge in each others hobbies and passions.

I can’t think of anything more wonderful than finding your best friend and soul mate and to know that you will share the rest of your life with them!! Awesome!!

Adam x

Fall, falling…..

The first colors on the trees have started their turning.

The trees, so bright green in their summer boasting, now adorn themselves with the first few colors of gold.

They remind me the changing weather brings changing worlds,……………….most welcome, and yet a little apprehensive.

This is the kind of moment you hold your breath for as the first browns, reds and golds are swept in the first gust of cool wind and in slow motion fall to the earth below. The kind of moment you wait for on every breath, heart pounding in the ears, eyes fixed on the direction of anticipation.

A new life. You can feel it in the air,…..coming.

And I can’t wait,…..even with all the unknowns still left to face ahead…….I have never wanted anything more.

To live life with him. To love him always.

How is it, even from 5,000 miles away, he should affect me so deeply to the core of anything I know and understand to be.

He will do nothing, nothing meant for me….a simple turn around the corner,….a movement done 47 times a day……

wash a dish,…….

pour a cup of coffee,…….

taste tests the dinner he cooks while stirring and making a grunt,…..

pick at a mosquito bite,…….

walk past a doorway,……..

and yet,……..physical blows reverberate within me and I find it hard to swallow.

And it is……… wonder-full.

Fall.

Falling.

It is as if that leaf which fell, when it touched the earth, the earth opened up an endless abyss so as to suspend the leaf in perpetual bliss of the fall.

Thank you, God for Adam, for every millisecond of every breath of his life and of this life I am to share with him.

 

Our Big Day!!

It’s unbelievable to think how quick life changes and how good it can feel if you embrace it without fear of the unknown! Knowing that both Tammy and I were very ready to be married again, and without fear for the undoubtedly difficult times ahead; we made the arrangements for our marriage.

In this post I aim to share some of the things that were going on behind the scenes, as well as some photos of my visit you won’t have seen yet, it is written from my point of view and I’d imagine Tammy will write one from her side shortly.

Best laid Plans

With my 40th birthday fast approaching, the date for the wedding stuck out like a sore thumb, and so Sunday July 8th 2012 would be a the special date, a date we shall never forget and more importantly I have no excuses for missing our anniversary 😉

You’ll appreciate that planning a wedding can be hard work and stressful at the best of times, let alone when both parties are separated by 5000 miles! As ever Skype and the internet came to the rescue!! Allowing us to plan, purchase and communicate all of the things that go into a wedding. That said, I know I had the easiest of it as Tammy and a couple of her friends Samantha Hensel and Lisa Lanier, along with The Pastor’s daughter Angie Cagel and her hubby David really got stuck into the preparation. Thanks guys x

All I could do was be there for Tammy when we needed to discuss plans or let her vent off some of her stresses, she had a few bless her.

Tammy really is an amazing woman, hence my love for her, for example how many of you could cope with this?

• Full time mother of 5 wonderful, yet untidy kids lol.
• Degree student with final exams in the period running up to wedding!
• Co-caring for her Grandmother who has Alzheimer’s
• Preparing for a visa application for 5………complicated and stressful
• Endless housekeeping
• Whilst living apart from your partner.

Not easy hey?!

Yet she finds endless courage and faith to get up out of bed every morning and crack on with all that the world throws at us, incredible inner strength and it hurts not being able to be there a share her load. But that will be a thing of the past soon!!

I digress!….. Where was I?…… Oh yes!

All of our plans were set and eventually the date for my trip to Texas came round. Unfortunately it was only going to be a short trip, 8 days in fact and so with that in mind we made a pledge to ‘max out‘ the days, donning the mantra ‘Sleep is for whimps’.

On Thursday the 5th of July I began my journey to Tammy’s-ville, it was a really nice and heart warming experience actually, as I posted at different stages of my journey on Facebook and received lots of encouragement and best wishes from my family and friends xx

So after a little while travelling 😉 I made it to Texas!!! It was about 9pm (Friday 6th), in Texas and after dropping off my luggage at a genuine Motel it was time to go over to see Alex and wish her a Happy 18th Birthday!! 

Yes! I wasn’t the only person celebrating a birthday that week, both Bryant and Alex had birthdays that week and another reason to visit when I did. Bryant was 12 on the Thursday and Alee was 18 on the Friday, great month for a birthday methinks 😉

My poor mum will be beside herself next year as June and July must now hold at least 15 birthdays for her to remember lol.

Rehearsal

On the Saturday we went and got my tuxedo fitted and gathered a few last minute items before going over to the church to deliver the cakes and prepare the chapel for the wedding. We’d decided to go Anglo American with the decor, with the Stars n Stripes and the Union Jack on display, no brainer really it was simple and gave the proceedings a nice, colourful feeling.

Anglo American

The weather nosedived quickly after my arrival lol, Texas was relieved to have the rain, but I’d just left the UK with some of the wettest weather on record!!

During a break in our preparation and before the wedding rehearsal there was an almighty storm, preceded by this cloud formation, to which both Tammy and Lisa both said “oh! that doesn’t look good!” I’m thinking this looked amazing and then the penny dropped, they were really worried that a tornado was forming and then I said “come on then, let’s get off the road and somewhere safe”, I don’t mind admitting I was more than a little concerned lol.

Big weather in Texas!!

Luckily the torrential rain that followed several massive thunder claps helped dissipate the forming tornado and we made it safely to a burger restaurant, albeit a little wet lol.

After our brief snack at ‘Wataburger’ (my favourite burger chain in the US…..official lol) we headed back to the chapel to meet the Pastor, Herb Pederson and to go through the proceedings and to make sure that everybody knew what they were doing beforehand. I’m so glad we did this and it gave everyone a chance to ask questions about the service and for us to decide finally exactly how it would go.

Sunday Morning………

saw myself and Bryant, who’d kept me company at the Motel, seek some much needed breakfast! We went big 😉

IHOP was the venue, yes Ladies and Gentlemen the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES!!!!!!!!

(The scene of much devastation last September when I attempted to eat 4 blueberry pancakes and spent the rest of my day (travelling back to the UK) in some discomfort and swearing never to return to said place!)

However on the morning of our wedding, the nerves were kicking in big time and fortification was a necessity!!! I had to eat, so I settled for a spicy chicken sandwich and fries at 9.30 am lol, you gotta love the Americans!

After this mahoosive feast we both went back to get ready and await our lift from my best man, Terry and his wife Ginny (Tammy’s Sister). We stopped at a Walmart and got some last, last minute items for the wedding lol

Clockwork

We arrived at the church about 12.30 and both Terry and myself set about setting up the Skype transmission for my family. I couldn’t expect any of my family to come to the wedding, it’s so expensive and so the next best thing was to hook Skype up and broadcast back to the UK live.

However, my Dad’s brother, Uncle Malcolm did come to the wedding with his wife Sharon, they live in Sho lo – Arizona and it was great that they both could make it! I haven’t seen them in ages and it was a real treat xx

Uncle Malcolm and Auntie Sharon (and my beautiful wife)

By this time the nerves were really setting in and whilst Terry, an IT consultant by profession, finished off the Skype connection; I went and got dressed in the Tux.

From left 2 right: Bronc (Alex’s friend), Bryant and me

Here we are after just after hooking up with my family on Skype

My best man – Terry Moorhead

Terry really is a stand up guy, I’ve known him for just under a year and I really like him, he’s a cool customer, unflappable it seems, he’s very laid back and yet you can tell that he will not suffer fools gladly. We both hold many of the same values and thoughts about life and politics, and I knew instantly that he’d be my best man! Cheers Terry, you’re a star!!

It was a shame my boys couldn’t have come over for the wedding, there were several reasons why this wouldn’t have happened and I know that Lewis was unhappy about it. However, we have a plan that will hopefully make up for the disappointment a little, when we finally have a date for Tammy and the kids arrival we aim to hold a wedding reception for those that couldn’t make it in England. This will give family and friends the opportunity to meet my beautiful wife and a chance for Lewis and Jack to get in on the act 🙂

Breathtaking

So the time came for the ceremony to start! I’d been pacing about the place, trying to remember my vows, everything that we’d worked so hard for was now in sharp focus! It was great!! Everything had come together perfectly and besides the obvious nerves I was confident that we had all bases covered.

My wedding vows.

When I saw Tammy come into the chapel, her beauty literally took my breath away!! I was so happy and couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be her husband! We’d worked so hard trying to get our special day right and as all it went so smoothly, just perfect and I want to say a very big thank you again to those that helped us, that we love you and without your help it just wouldn’t have been so special!

Mr and Mrs Dixon!

C’mon!!!

 Adam x

Just the Beginning…

Well,…..I wanted to share with you words that are not my own. They belong to my husband. They are also mine now, for they were given to me.

They are words that are felt by us both and upheld by us both…..they are words we have been saying for a couple years now,…words our souls have always wanted to say and now can and have them equally reciprocated.

They are words I will never forget.

Words I will never forget how they were spoken.

These words were written and nervously re-read and revised and rehearsed, but all the time wholly meant and truthfully delivered.

It is just the beginning of our last hurdle of waiting……whether it is 2 months or longer we will not know for about a month or so, I suppose.

But Adam is the best husband ever, constantly reassuring me and telling me not to be pessimistic and glass half empty sort of thoughts.

He just keeps saying,…”not long now,….we will soon have you home.”

And today,…..today he gave me something else no other has ever given me.

He wrote me a song!

Yes,..a song!

Here it is,.. “Love Lyrics” by Adam Dixon ( look out Neil, lol ) :

Baby how can I?
Can I
ever
Hope to ever

How can I hope to explain this feeling?
When you look at me and I know your love
An intense joy that brings my heart to life,
A loving rush knowing you are my wife!

Baby how can I?
Can i
Ever
Hope to ever

Explain the feeling when I hold your hand,
To Know that I am the man who won,
Your heart and beat the darkness
Back to the start of the early Sun.

Baby how can I,
Ever hope
To show you
All the ways I love you!

Like when we kiss,
And my heart skips a beat,
Lovin the bliss that I’m feelin,
Finally found out life’s true meaning!

Baby how can I?
Can I
Ever hope to show you
How much I love you……

xxx

He was even singing it to himself, earlier in the day.

I can honestly say,…if I had been there to hear him sing it,.I would have been all puddles….HE IS SO DREAMY!

This is where you can officially use the word “SWOON”…because I did.

Who cares what other men think if it is fruity or un-macho…..

to me it is ALL MAN!

…..GENTLEMAN,….IN LOVE.

The way a man should be when he marries a woman who is just as in love with them.

if you want to hit the “gag now” button,…go ahead,. doesn’t bother me,…we are very happy ( happier when we are all together,..meh…it will happen)

But if you are thinking it is too cheesy to stomach….All I have to say is…..

This is just the beginning……

“More CHEESE Gromit!”

XXX

Around the world in 80 days….

 

 

The countdown begins…………….

 

less than a week ago,…6 days ago, I married my best friend and a man I never ever thought I would ever find, the one man in the “whole entire” world I never want to be without.

I could kiss him forever, look into his eyes,…hold him, listen to his heart beat without any words being said and be completely wonderful.

This week has been filled to the rim with every moment trying to be eeked out of it.

Every day we spent making the most of the time we had. Somethings we even ran out of time to do.

Adam is going home exhausted, I am sure.

But never was there any man who was ever as wonderful as he is about everything,….

I tease him about being the Mary Poppins of men,…”practically perfect in every way”.

He makes EVERYTHING GREAT, even when we do hardly anything at all….the Adam Factor.

This week has been awesome and amazing! This week has gone by fast…..

As Adam said,…”you spend so much time preparing for something and then once it gets here, then it is just gone”.

I just left him at the airport.

Not even married one week,….and I had to watch him pack up and go………again.

“last time” he said,…..”next time it will be me meeting you at Heathrow. This is the last leg, Mrs. Dixon”.

Mrs. Dixon.

I am really Mrs. Tamara Lee Dixon and that is the Happiest thing EVER in my life so far,…and on the flip side,…I feel lousy at the moment,…kinda numb…..

Everytime I have to watch him go away ,….. you could just kill me and I wouldn’t even know it, because I feel already dead.

okay,…..so,…sue me for having feelings and it hurting.

Yes,..yes,..I know,..I know,…. in only 80 days, two of my girls and I are hoping to move there,..if everything goes fine with the visa apps…. and we are very hopeful it will….just a couple more items to get checked off the list and then,……..

around to the other side of the world,…back home,….where I BELONG.

I got home after taking the kids to get a fish and eat some lunch and having a stupid driver hit the van while we were at a stop light ( breaking my driver side mirror)…and took some tylenol for my headache and laid down.

He had sprayed the pillows with his cologne…………

The tears fell…………….

I am so in love with you, babe,…..being without you is just very wrong.

Thank you for making everything so fantastic all the time.

I know you will be happy seeing the boys and giving them their gifts and playing with them after 8 days away from them. Eventually we will get to be there too….all of us together.

So,..our calendar in the hallway is marking the day off at midnight…..one day closer to you,…to home….

Tomorrow,….79 days…..

See you around the world tomorrow on skype….Thank God for Skype!

I say a prayer he makes it back home safe.

I love him.

XXX

Cause Baby You’re a Firework!!

Okay,…as the rest of America celebrates its independence from Great Britain, ironically, I celebrate the very fast approaching marriage  and citizenship to the GB!

I do not mind saying that it has been a roller coaster lately,…well,..for me, anyway,….

So……we have made it this far! Finally!

All my fears that the long distance would cause him to change his mind, or run to someone else,…he has batted away, and when I say batted away, we are talking out of the ball park and right up there with those amazingly brilliant fireworks!

He is awesome! and I am awesome! We have kept this relationship together  despite distance and lack of physical time together. Neither of us has strayed to anyone else, at any time and we have spent every single day talking to each other about everything and sharing our hearts each day on Skype.

How we are with each other and how we have lasted is even better than 80% of couples who are together on an everyday basis.

Some tips:

If you truly are in love with someone, you should never take them for granted, even if you are with them everyday and see them at their worst and best. Remember they see you at your worst and best too and they still love you

Also,….do not lie to your partner,…that includes, omitting facts/details or half truths…your partner can feel something is up, even if they do not ever find out,…the feeling they have inside that something is wrong, or that you may not be telling them everything,…that will build over time and will put a wedge in there to drive you apart. But, if you are truly in love, you will not do that to your relationship, because you value it greatly.

Take time to send an email, even when you are busy,…just to tell them you love them and you were thinking of them. Set aside time from your schedule to sit with them and hold them, if you can and just BE with each other! Take time to notice them,…to SEE them and APPRECIATE them for all that ever made them beautiful to you in the first place! Laugh with each other! CRY with each other! DO NOT be afraid to show that emotion of NEED. It brings you closer together.

Adam is great about airing our thoughts and feelings. This is always good,…to communicate daily,…not just about your day, but about your hopes and your fears, your highs and lows….communication is the best tool to avoid further meltdown and to keep you both on the same page.

It was really hard for me not to be there and take away Adam’s loneliness of not having someone there, all the time, to hold and kiss, to share passion with……and many times he expressed the same thing to me. What we would have given to have been able to have many more days throughout this to spend together, but soon we will have all our days! 😀 But he has held to this relationship with the same firm commitment asked of a couple who is already married, …AND SO HAVE I,…HOW COULD I NOT? HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME, MY HOPES AND PRAYERS ANSWERED, MY FUTURE.

I love him more than any words I know there to be to describe it.

It is like the biggest bang went off in my heart of unbelievable amounts of love! Comparable to the mother of all fireworks 😀

His mother says he is chomping at the bit to be with me…. and I am definitely doing the same!

He has always been the most honest and beautifully lovely man I have ever known. He is pure of heart, unselfish in fulfilling just his own desires in things. He has proven to me that he is the most trustworthy and giving man. His heart and love are as strong as the carbide metal I will place on his finger this Sunday.

WOW! this SUNDAY!!

It makes me cry,…I just love him so much and cannot wait to be his forever!!

Adam,…you are the fireworks in my heart everyday, and every time I look into your eyes and they sparkle back at me like the bright ssun shining though the shady trees….XXX

Boom-Boom it UP!

15 DAYS! AND WITH EVERY COUNTDOWN UNTIL i AM IN ADAM’S ARMS AGAIN, MY HEART LOOKS MORE AND MORE LIKE ADAM’S MUSIC MAKING.

WHY?

“REASON 6″…LOL… i FREAKING LOVE THIS MAN MORE THAN THE STARS IN THE SKY! AND HE MAKES MY HEART GO “B-B-B-BOOM IT UP ON BASS”…SUPER MEGA BASS!

THE WORLD JUST WILL NEVER BE RIGHT WITHOUT HIM, SO….

IN THE WORDS OF MY UBER-RIFIC BABE,… “COME ON!”

and a treat for the masses ( click the pic below ) by none other than my BABE…cannot wait to marry this man and go to be with him on The Other Side of a new life!!

Visa Application

As you know Tammy and I have been in a long distance relationship for well over a year now, we’ve both travelled to each others homes to be together and to strengthen our love. We both know that we want to spend the rest of our days together and are set to get married in under 3 weeks now (July 8th – come on!).

You may also know that Tammy is not returning with me to England straight away 😦 The plan is for her and her kids to come over in October, after the visas have been approved.

We’ve heard many horror stories about how difficult visas are to get granted, so we’ve taken nothing for granted! We are using an agent for the whole application process and I will let you know who they are after Tammy has the visas gripped firmly in her hands! All I will say for now is that our agent knows her stuff and we have every confidence in her.

The whole process isn’t cheap, just one visa alone costs £825 to apply for, yes apply for, if you are refused you lose the fee too! Again another reason to get everything straight before you apply. This fee is the same regardless of age, so all of the kids visas cost the same! What a racket!

One of the clouds that cast a large shadow of doubt over the whole process has just evaporated as the UK governement has just released the new ‘Income Threshold’ figures for those wishing to sponsor a spouse for visa applications, obviously where I am the sponsor for Tammy’s application. So as of the 9th of July, the day after the wedding coincidently, UK law changes so that a sponsor must earn the minimum of £18,500 to sponsor an adult visa, with an additional £2,400 per child/dependant applicant.

There were concerns that this would be set much higher than this and could have scuppered our plans, so what better wedding gift could we ask for, we now know that I earn enough and that, with all things being equal, Tammy’s visa is looking more of a cert than a hope!

Believe me! This is a great weight off our minds and our dreams of being together are coming into sharp focus now and I can’t wait til the day I meet them all at the airport!!!

 

Adam x

What is it?

What is it that makes me do whatever it takes to be with you?

What is it that sends me into space with dreams of our shared life together?

What is it that makes me the happiest person on the planet?

What is it about our love that shields me from worst the world could throw at me?

What is it that makes me know that this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life?

What is it when I know, without doubt, that I ‘have’ to spend the rest of my days with you?

Woman you need to know that I’m crazy about you!

I will do everything within my powers to make you feel happy, to keep you and your kids safe from harm, to love you without reservation, to love your kids like I love my own, to be a loyal and loving husband, with honesty and respect for you, because you are the most amazing woman on the planet Tammy!!

I have never known anyone like you, so strong and yet so sensitive, so beautiful inside and out, so funny and playful, intelligent and talented.

In you, I have found the perfect woman and knowing this has answered all of the questions above. The love that we share is priceless! I’m am so lucky to have you and I want to spend the rest of my life celebrating that fact and loving you the way you deserved to be loved. I wish life had have been nicer to you Tammy, but now I know that finally you will have the life you always dreamt of 🙂

With only 3 weeks before we get married I wanted to let you and the world know how much I love you and that becoming your husband will make me the proudest man on Earth!!

With all of my love

@dam

XXX

Useless!

I’m worried about my woman! For the past week and a half Tammy has been suffering with kidney stones, she’s been in a lot of pain and after seeing 2 of the stones that ripped their way through her last week, I can understand why. No kidding these stones were rough and irregular in shape and 4 – 5 mm in diameter!! I’m left feeling totally useless and worried about her, trying to remain positive and upbeat until she can make her doctor’s appointment on Monday.

If you’ve never seen a kidney stone then check this out, this isn’t hers but is the closest I could find the ones she has shown me on Skype.

So these form inside the kidney, whose role it is to filter the blood of the minerals and elements that aren’t required by the body.  Some people are more susceptible than others to stones, as our bodies all work differently when processing the food and drink that we consume. Tammy has had major problems with her kidneys before and is no stranger to the pain, she is amazingly brave when dealing with it and I feel completely helpless and inept.

It’s sod’s law that this would kick off only a month before our big day and I really hope the doctors can help her recover in time! For those of us in the UK it’s difficult for us to understand the US medical system, we take the amazing NHS for granted, ok we pay our National Insurance for it, but when you consider what we get for our money it really is amazing!!

For Tammy to even visit the doctor in Texas will cost several hundred dollars as she doesn’t have medical insurance that will cover her condition, if they refer her to a specialist then she would have to fork of 1000’s of dollars!! We will have to wait and see what her doctor thinks about her condition. I believe they do have a free hospital service for the very poor and this is massively over subscribed and may not be able to deal with her case in a timely manner, so we’re are in the lap of the God’s on this one.

Not ideal preparation for your wedding and Tammy is a fighter and despite having a very difficult week, she has come out fighting, although this morning she feels sick to her stomach and totally washed out! Monday can’t come soon enough!

I’m not religious, but today I’m gonna pray for her safety and speedy recovery xxx

I love you Tammy xxx

THIS FACE

I have been looking at this face for a very long time now,…

I have kissed it more than a hundred times,……..

Not a single time I look at this face, do I ever feel I could NOT want to, desire to, wake up to that face every day for the rest of my life! Even if his eyes are puffy and full of sleep and his breath wreaks and his hair is sticking out in other directions……I would still cling to every bit of it!! and nuzzle this face 🙂

This face is the face of and honest man….a loving and adoring and sweet, sweet man.

This face is the face of a hard working, goal oriented partner.

This face is the face of my best friend, with whom I can talk to for hours and be silly with and make love to with sweet kisses endlessly.

This face is the face of the only man I want and need for all my life.

I love you,…always in ALL WAYS XXX

It’s been a while…..

Since I posted, work has been mental and there’s no sign of that changing lol, but on the whole it’s great! I am very fortunate in that I work with some really nice people and believe me, that helps a lot.

So what are we up to?

Well it’s now full steam ahead in preparation for the wedding (can’t wait) and the subsequent visa application. As you can imagine it’s intense but in the best way possible 🙂 I’m sure we’ll look back on this period of time with great fondness and say to each other ” How ever did we manage!?”

The simple answer to this question is with love, determination and support from our friends and families, of which I can’t thank highly enough. To all of you who have helped us and encouraged us to go for it, well I’m sure speak for both of us when I say we love you and without your support it would be extremely difficult xxx

I’m sure a few people have wondered why we even bothered with the whole blog thing, well take it from me it really helps us stay focussed and happy. When you’re in a long distance relationship you’ll take every possible interaction with your loved one. As we met through blogging it seemed a perfect way to express our love for one another and sharing our relationship with our families and friends, which hopefully will help them understand why we are doing this 🙂

A little over a week ago we had our marriage counselling with Tammy’s pastor, he will be marrying us and Texan law states that you must have completed this before the application to marry. The interview was held over 2 days for a total of 4 hours, of course we completed this on Skype and it was great! Brother Pederson is also one of Tammy’s professors at Dallas Baptist University (DBU) and I’d already met him last year when I visited Tammy. He’s a really nice fella and I could have talked with both him and Tammy for many hours more!

Tomorrow I have to get an affidavit notarised (verified) by a solicitor to confirm who I say I am, and then this will be sent to Tammy to make the marriage application  in my absence, I wish I could be there with her for that 😦

We only have 5 1/2 weeks to go now before we are together again and I can’t wait, I miss her big time! We spend loads of time together on Skype but I really long to kiss her again xxx

Adam x

Sound of Music

I hear both Adam and I have been called “gay” for our complete outpourings of love for one another.

And I say thank you for the happy well wish for our happiness to last forever, but….

I think I would rather be considered as “gay” and us be totally honest in our outpourings of love, than us be typical and superficial and full of worry about, “Oh, my! We shouldn’t do/say such things! What would people say? They may think we are soft or nuts and that would be terrible!”

God gave us emotions..oh,..yes,..I said “God” and especially when dealing with love they should be displayed!

If it offends your ears, eyes, minds or limited concepts of social display of affection then you simply do not have to read.

For I AM ADAM’s and HE IS MINE and……

This next portion of blog is just as “gay” as the rest!

TO TRACY ON YOUR COMMENT TO ORIGINAL POST: I took out alot of this blog I had originally posted because I felt it was too negative and Adam says positive is the only way to go. But I am returning the gist of it because I reached another person who has honestly felt this way too and I know it is not just me who sometimes gets plagued with lack of confidence. So,…

I have recently compared myself to all the other younger women around,..especially around Adam and how gorgeous they are and totally confident in their own sexiness. They flaunt it and flirt it with every movement and word they act. It is easy to be confident in your sexiness and your desirability and charms, gracefulness and intelligence when you are still young and ready to take on the world. When you still have not been trampled by life yet. Also, in your twenties you are blessed with a better body than that of a nearing 40 yr old woman with stretchmarks from 5 children and struggling with health issues…and it is easy when you are blessed with weight of less than 8.5 stones/120lbs….or you get blessed with being tall and having a high metabolism. I have been gaining weight over the last few months comparing myself to other women and even to my soon to be husband who is tall, skinny, muscular GQ model/Adonis….and then I start doubting myself,…not such a good thing to do…but even more so when you are trying to get ready to be married to your Adonis and you don’t fit well in your wedding dress which was hard to zip up.

Adam always tells me “words are cheap”…..”actions speak louder than words”..and how when I am over there for good,..I will know the full extent of his love for me every day and I will no longer ever worry.

And sadly, because we are so far away from each other…the words are mostly what we have….

BUT!…. and this is a BIG BUT(excuse my pun)

…….I BEG TO DIFFER,..the words are NOT SO CHEAP. Especially his!

Adam is wonderfully charming and knows just how to look into my eyes and always say the right things..his words are music to my ears….to my soul..every word he writes to me and everything he tells me on Skpye is PRICELESS.

He looks at me and assures me about no interest in other women and tells me how beautiful and stunning I am and how he can get lost in my eyes and how I make certain parts of him stand to attention..lol…when he is just thinking about me. He tells me all the time how smart and lovely I am and that my beauty supersedes in that it is not only skin deep. He tells me all the most wonderful things about myself and is my “mirror, mirror, on the wall”……

His love for me and the words are followed by actions. AND THEY REFLECT THE BEAUTY HE SEES IN ME IN HIS EYES…… HE PROVES THIS EVERYDAY.

Relationships are hard enough to maintain when you are together everyday and even more so when you are half a world away, BUT HE DOES THIS AMAZINGLY.

For those of you who read this and may be someone I have been with in the past that has hurt me deeply and been part of the scar tissue in my heart,…..Adam took that heart that you gashed and scarred and saw it still beating in his hands and he loved it as if it were the most beautiful thing he had ever known. He took me as I am, still does, and he sees all my past hurts and he doesn’t lie when he says I need to have more confidence and I know this is true….he can be very painstakingly blunt with his words, but even so all he says to me is medicine to my heart and heals all my old wounds and helps me to grow a better heart, better mind and self view.

You see, even half a world away,….I do not have to believe and refuse to truly believe that Adam would ever hurt me. He even tells me and all others he doesn’t have it in his DNA to do something so tragic to my heart.

Yes,..I know Adam is true…I see it in his beautiful, sparkling, happy eyes and feel it in his words…

and I have to learn to be more confident in myself and not worry,..let the old scars bring up wrong thoughts in my head, because Adam is there for me and I,..well I am tired of not being confident enough in myself! I know that I am the only one in the end who can change that, but TRUST ME,…Adam has a BIG role in it too!

Sometimes Adam REALLY makes me feel like Julie Andrews in “The Sound Of Music”, singing loudly, “I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME!”

http://youtu.be/aJ7E7kJlZMI

With Adam by my side, it never fails…it is always when I feel I can jump on the beds and yell back at the thunder and lightning  and sing happily,….

http://youtu.be/td8rLo-us3c

“When the Dog BITES,

When the Bee STINGS,

When I am feeling SAD,…

I simply remember my favorite things (#1 SPOT MARRYING ADAM)

And then I don’t feel so bad!”

In my heart when I know Adam desires me and loves me unconditionally, and I see the truth of it in his eyes…I feel like I am on top of the mountains singing out the in the glory of a new life!

and then other days I do not do so well and my confidence staggers.

And still, even still, Adam LOVES ME through it all. He has the patience of a SAINT

and the positive recharge battery of the Energizer Bunny, dancing his happy beating, melodious, medicinal words into my heart!

For he is always standing there loving me…SO VERY MUCH…..Just like the song says in “The Sound Of Music” when the Captain and and Maria are in the conservatory holding each other and singing this love song,….

http://youtu.be/RNdl-HIkDqQ

“Nothing comes from nothing,

nothing ever could,

For somewhere in my youth or childhood,

I must have done something good.”

…I LOVE YOUXXX

Leap of Faith

Forever he’d searched, forever unquenched!

One moment his heart called him to fly.

Knowing it, feeling it,

He knew that he needed to walk with her.

Thus he leapt,

To take his chance of happiness.

To meet his friend and confidante,

He soared above the clouds and towards the Sun he hastened.

“How high would you fly to seek your destiny?” The shadows called

“How long would you leap?” They cracked

“As far and as long as I am possible! For there is eternal love at stake!” Boldly striding he left them behind

“Be’gone demon spirits!!! There’s no room in here , you’re not welcome!! Be’gone!!” he retorted broadly smiling.

Never had he known such a feeling, nor would he again as he lived beside his love,

Forever happy they knew that their faith had been rewarded with life’s greatest prize!

Adam x

“Transformers, More Than Meets The Eye”

I know what you are thinking, everything sounds too perfect, almost like it is fake,…nothing this real and awesome relationships like this do not actually exist except in movies. Little scrap metal dreams wishing on stars.

Well,…………

You are wrong.

All of it is real and it is this good and better.

Just like with Transformers, there are other aspects to this relationship that make it what it is. And just like with any relationship, if you want to hold on to what you love, you work at it and you fight the battles together.You are a team. This is a great concept when thinking the Olympics are about to start.

But sometimes the players on the team have differences, sometimes with others and sometimes with each other and yet you still have to keep fighting on the same team. You still have to be strong and respect and love each other through it all,…and we still have to fight for what we have together, along with fighting our war in our world..the world of cynicism, disbelief, lust, greed, selfishness and no compassion.

Tiny fragments and chunks of repair work exist in it along with resetting the programming….it took someone looking at an old beat up and broken wreck and seeing the full beauty that was still in it and giving it new life and a chance at being on a winning team….and I fell in love with him and took off after this because it wasn’t a dream,…it was reality!

BUT,..there are days when I feel I fail him as a partner for ever fearing over things at all. There are days when we disagree and even say things we feel, but did not want to use to hurt one another.

But isn’t that how real relationships go?

You have moments where you fumble……..

and cry because you feel bad that you didn’t  get it right, but then your teammate bends down and picks you up and the next thing you know you are making all the goals…..TOGETHER. and WINNING! 😉

The battles come up and one person looks at them and gulps and the other looks at them and says, “Game on! we can do this!”  And on another day, your roles reverse and the turn is taken in being the one to keep morale.

KEEP FIGHTING!

It isn’t about losing sight in a goal or not believing,…it is about having faith in yourself and someone else having faith in you as well, what makes it enough is LOVE….

Love,….to get through the struggles and the days where you fumble and you have to get back up and keep going. Because,…..the goals ARE IMPORTANT!

Goals.

Goals and teams.

Adam is the most goal focused and team oriented player I know,…at work and with me and this family.

Take a look at this excerpt from his funny, but actually true in content, email to me today:

“I’m here on the outskirts of this quaint market town and I’m delighted to be able to report to you, LIVE, on what has been nothing short of an amazing feat of garden preparation! The crowds have all but dissipated now, with just a few hangers on, wondering if they make steal a glimpse of the lone worker who created this fine slabbage”

“Dick, we’ve seen the pictures and I have to say it’s seems unbelievable to think that this was the work of only one man and in such a short time! There are rumours that he was able to complete this task just as soon as he returned from taking his kids to school! Can you confirm these rumours?”

“Troy, we heard those rumours too! And the number of eye witnesses that can confirm this really make it more fact than rumour!”

“Dick, whilst we speak there are still further reports that he also managed to complete numerous household chores, for example a weeks worth of ironing was also completed before 11am, this really is quite a remarkable day if they are true! Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Troy, I certainly would and it appears we are dealing with a very determined man, who is intent on doing his utmost to provide a fine life for his family, as well as securing promotion in the near future!”

I can NEVER match him in this. I always feel like I am short of the mark compared to him,  because of little and sometimes big anxieties,…fears dug into me from scars of other horrible people. Even though I always wanted to believe in fairytales, mostly, reality kicked my a** and I wound up being trained that always the bad things would happen and never could believe the good would last or ever be for me.

Now I have a new trainer and teammate, Adam. And he always wishes he could go back and protect me from all the evil forces of those loser DECEPTICONS,…

But since he cannot change what has happened, he teaches me, has patience with me, loves me so strongly and deeply and has great understanding with me….

He runs me through some of the same course, but with better plays and more effort and real belief/faith in me.

He sees me as a winner where sometimes I do not see myself.

He even has been hurt by my fear at times, but he still stays and fights the battle. He has even been attacked by others who are against him and our fight to be together. But he still stands….. my Transformer,…

My OPTIMUS PRIME!

Happy Birthday Wishes!!

Dearest Tammy

Today is your birthday and I’d like to celebrate this special day with you!!

I’m sending you all of my love, kisses and best wishes xxx

Next year and forever more we will be able to celebrate our birthday’s together and I can’t wait!!

I chose your birthday song for several reasons, I know you’ll appreciate the choice and the message behind it 🙂

I hope you have a wonderful day and you like your present!

Can’t wait to speak to you later

XXX

Way out West!

Understatement

When we decided that it would be amazing for us to meet and take things from there, it suddenly dawned on me that this was the beginning of one of the most incredible adventures of my life. Having never been to the US of A before that in itself would be pretty spectacular, but to meet the woman of my dreams just sent the whole idea off the scale!! To say I was excited was the biggest understatement since the Black Knight from Monty Python’s Holy Grail conceded he had a flesh wound!!

So for those of you who’ve never been to the USA I thought I’d write a piece about my experience of America and what I thought of the country and its culture.

I remember the excitement when I’d bought the flight tickets! C’mon!!!

Anyway to cut to the chase, I went to America last Sept (2011), taking a BA flight from Heathrow’s new terminal 5, needless to say this is one awesome place!! You can’t help but be anything other than impressed by the scale of the place, for me it adds a great deal to the whole experience. I love travelling and have only travelled in Europe before, so this trip was by far the furthest flung destination for me and I was going to savour every minute of it!!

It’s vast!!

 I arrived in Dallas Fort Worth Texas after my 10 hour non-stop flight on this bad boy!

When all the guff at the airport was done with I finally got to meet Tammy and boy oh boy that was something special that I shall never forget for as long as I live!! We kissed for sometime 😉 and then thought we’d better crack on and meet the family!

Get this! Texas had been in a drought for many months and the day I arrive it bloody starts raining lol!! A good thing for the Texans but I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. In this photo you’ll see that we were at an American football game, just a inter-school game, but they had cancel it because of the storm that whipped up only moments after this picture was taken. If you’re not used to big weather and you want to experience it, go to the States!!! They don’t do anything small!!! Crikey only a month ago Tammy’s house came within a mile of being wiped out by an F3 Tornado, I was actually on Skype with her at the time it was raging outside her house, very scary, but I knew she’d be alright; I just knew.

This thing actually changed direction at a junction and then when it had gone about a mile to the right of their home, then changed back on to it’s original course and wiped out 300 homes and buildings!!! Miraculous!!!

I digress……..

So yes it hits you immediately just how vast the place is and how spread out everything is, when you’re used to living on top of your neighbour and having no real space to your own, save inside your house, seeing the size of the houses and their gardens here was an eye opener. When you consider that for a 6 bedroom house with a swimming pool and double garage and an 1/2  acre of garden could only set you back approx. $160 – $180,000 or £100 – £110,000, you begin to understand how much land they have and how little it costs.

The Texan skies are just something else, they really are huge, that sounds odd i grant you, because they’re no bigger than ours, but the scale of everything changes your perception of the sky, it appears to be much bigger.

This picture was taken on our way to the iconic drive in cinema, I’ve posted about this before so I won’t bore you with that again, needless to say if you come to the States, go to the drive in, it’s and ACE way to watch a flik.

You drive everywhere in the States, it’s too big and all the shops and schools and stuff are just too far apart for you to even attempt walking. I didn’t see a bus in Lancaster, (save a school bus) the whole, entire time (lol, private joke) I was there. Sure they had them in Dallas city but where I think they need them they say is too risky to have them. That should tell you a whole other story about the States!

We’ll soon need one of these!

Gas, Gas, Gasoline

One of the most noticeable things is the trucks! To the Americans they’re just run of the mill vehicles, but to me it was like the Monster Trucks were on a day out!! You know what a Hummer looks like right? That giant truck designed originally for military use, then domesticated and blinged up to the eyeballs, well they’re small!!!

I mean these trucks are huge man!!! To give you some idea of how big this puppy was, the picture was taken from a rather large people carrier, with a high driving position and then this truck rolled past us!

Can you imagine sending your kids to schools where they have signs like this dotted around the entrance? Actually it’s not a problem that’s unique to America , I remember as a teenager going to Brixton Academy (London) to watch the girls play basketball, they had signs similar to this one at the entrance to the gymnasium halls. That said the signs in Lancaster TX, did seem a little more menacing, and to have them at a school is very concerning for any parent. I think living in an English market town has me taking certain things for granted, for example, how safe life is in King’s Lynn!!

Sky’s the Limit

One of the things I really hoped we could find time for was a visit to Dallas, luckily we had an afternoon free and after Tammy’s morning lecture we made our way 30 mins north of Lancaster to the big city! One of the things about this part of Texas is that it’s quite flat and open clear land, so as you leave Lancaster you can see Dallas in the distance. The skyscrapers thrust themselves skywards and like shards of light they demand your attention, a very impressive sight that I’m so glad I got to enjoy.

Iconic!!

The land of the free?

Revelation

I knew that Americans are very religious but I hadn’t imagined how much their faith is integrated into their daily lives, by that I mean the church owns schools, universities and community rooms and no doubt many other things that I’m blatantly ignorant to. Tammy is religious and even though I’m an agnostic I respect her beliefs greatly, and I wanted to go to her church and appreciate her life and all aspects of it.

This is church American Style!

This is a Baptist church and they believe in delivering the message with a high tech theatrical style, with a big show, music, lights, videos and guests. Actually the service was very entertaining and I was pleasantly surprised, that said after the first salvoes of music and song had finished the Pastor dived straight in with how important it was to give, to support the church community by offering tithes. Tithes are donations to the church, which have been in existence from the start of the whole church movement and usually run at 10% of your income!!!

This is a profound cultural difference and it made me feel a little uneasy about the rest of the service, but when you step back and consider that the church invests huge sums of money in education and supporting the community; it may actually be a good thing……..I’m undecided.

Fast Food and Lots of it!!

Everybody knows that America is the home of fast food, but again I don’t think many people really understand the scale of this industry unless they’ve been there and witnessed it for themselves. In England Mcdonalds is the big daddy of fast food and even though they are probably the biggest in the US too, it certainly didn’t feel like they have the lion’s share like they appear to enjoy in the UK.

My most memorable fast food experience whilst there was the breakfast we all enjoyed at the IHOP on the last day of my visit. IHOP stands for ‘International House of Pancakes’ lol you gotta love these guys!!

I had a stack of blueberry filled pancakes and they messed me up for hours!!!

So there you have it, just a few of my observations that I made on my visit to Texas, It’s definitely a wonderful country, but I’m not sure I’d want to live there full time, I suppose it’s like anywhere else, if you find the right place it doesn’t matter where that is; also it’s like Tammy says “Home is where the heart is”.

Adam x

 

David Bailey!! Eat your heart out!!!

When Tammy came over to England to visit me and my family, to see our new home and explore the country we went to some beautiful places, oh and King’s Lynn too lol. I shouldn’t laugh really, it’s been a good home to me for 20+ years and I’ve made some great friends here and it’s perfectly located in the East of England. Only an hour away from 3 very different  and beautiful cities, all of which are well worth a visit.

Those cities are Cambridge, Norwich and Ely, you could include Peterborough within the hours driving distance from Lynn, but I can’t think of a good reason to go there, save maybe the shopping arcade for the ladies…….I’ll pass I think. But the other 3 are great, steeped in history, beauty and glorious architecture, needless to say I took Tammy to all of them during her stay here in England.

We also visited some of Norfolk’s premier seaside resorts, Brancaster, Hunstanton and Wells next to Sea all had a whistle stop tour and despite the weather we had a marvellous time! For years I took this place for granted, but slowly as my kids grew, I sought new ways to entertain them and inevitably explore the region, I  realised what a beautiful part of the world I live in.

So what’s this post all about then? Well as Tammy eluded to in one of her previous posts, we both took lots of snaps during her visit and I used my phone to take them because I haven’t a camera and I had downloaded a Photoshop app on it and It’s very good at turning something ordinary into something quite arty lol.

Here are the fruits of my labours.

Ely Cathedral Cherub

Churchyard

Wonder Woman

Wells next the Sea

Brancaster

Ely Cathedral

St John’s College – Cambridge

Brancaster Beach

Tammy in Brancaster

 Well I won’t give up the day job just yet, but Tammy’s visit sparked more than a passing interest in photography, so it appears I now have another geeky string to add to the geek bow!

Respect and Peace!

Adam x

Beach and Church Hopping :)

This post will be less writing and more pictures. I just wanted to share the different beaches and the Churches we visited. Adam knows my affection for art and beauty and my affection for the church and there are many amazing churches in England,…even around where we have our home. When i saw the old churches built centuries ago and the beauty over the craftsmanship and detailed work that went into them, it really made me wonder why we went astray from the old ways of architectural beauty.

The beaches we visited were:

Brancaster Beach,..right down the road from our home.

Then we hopped over to Wells By The Sea:

As you can see, it was low tide.

And Side Tide,..lol..just kidding,..this one was taken leaning over the rail with the wind blowing my hair in my face and I did not realize I had the camera turned. 🙂

Time for HOT coffee and something delicious! at Wells Deli :  http://www.wellsdeli.co.uk/index.html

   

And continue with church hopping…for we had actually started with the church hopping on our drive to Brancaster and Wells 🙂

I cannot tell you what the names of the little villages were, you would have to ask Adam. I am still learning 🙂

But here are some of the churches we stopped and took pictures of…very easy to take good pictures,..lol..as an old professor of mine once said, “just point and click”…. 😀

Nope,..that is not a church…but I do almost worship the ground he walks on,…almost,..do NOT want to be sacrilegious…Sorry, Father!

Here you go:

Adam has the cooler B & W Photoshop of this….cheater…lol 😉

And then there was ELY…WOW!

Amazing architecture! wish it hadn’t been so cloudy so we would have had more light for our pictures inside ELY CATHEDRAL.

saying our prayers…..

Spitting image…lol

haha,..that’s more like it..

And another day of the beach! Hunstanton..ot “hunston” if you say it like they do 😉

low tide again…

all the fun rides closed for the season..drat!

but the arcade was open for the boys! They just had to wait until their dad and I explored the beach for a bit.

And the boys finally went into the arcade where Jack won 1,000 tickets on a spin for tickets!

Time for Fish and Chips and to go home………

Pop!

Okay, so I have kind of skipped a little here and I want to back track just a little to when Adam actually proposed. It is quite funny actually.

So, here I was having spent the night in London in a hotel and having spent the next day full of sights and sounds and street performing shows and all, and we were finally,…finally headed to our home, which I still had never seen in person. I was tired and hungry and excited and blown away by the feeling of love with Adam. I was on a major RUSH!

We finally made it back into Kings Lynn by train from Kings Cross and we had all my luggage to carry to the car he had parked about a block or so away. It was later than we had planned to be back, close to 10pm.

We walked from the station and made it to the car, put the luggage in the back of the car and then he got in the car to start it .

About this time, Adam noticed that the side mirror on the driver’s side of his car had been knocked off, most likely purposeful, but we were never to know the culprit.

The next little whammy popped when he discovered the battery to his car was dead.

In his excitement the day before, he had forgotten to turn off the lights when he parked the car. Come on give him some slack! He was thinking of other things and we have all done something of the same sort before! 😀

I cannot tell you how embarrassed he seemed to be about that. he kept saying over and over that it was a “school boy error”. I was not upset with him. I told him it was not a big deal and we could take the bus back to our house and it would be fine with me.

So while he was telephoning his dad and hoping he would answer, we were walking to the bus station another few blocks away.

Adam was upset with the car being out of commission and it putting a wrench in schedules, for he had planned we would stop and get chinese/curry take out on the way home and just relax after the long plane journey and day in London. Plus, he was due to pick up his boys in the morning and that would have made that very difficult.

As it turned out, his dad answered and they figured a way to get it jumped while I was going to stay at the house and unpack,..then we would go get the chinese. Delish!

The bus brought us to the end of our street with a short walk with luggage to the driveway and then in and up the stairs. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I loved our home!

I was so happy that I cried and Adam gave me a few hugs and kisses and apologized about the car again and then rushed around getting ready for his dad to pick him up to go do the jump. I went and sat on our bed and unpacked my bags, still crying a little bit at the unbelief of happiness that I was actually there!!

About a minute later, I heard Adam grumble, ” Oh, Buggah!” and I thought maybe he had done something to his finger shutting the drawers, since he was in the kitchen. I didn’t look around. A few seconds later, I hear him call from the living room to me.

“Tammy, can you come here and help me for a minute?”

He was down on his knees and holding his back. He said, “I think you are going to have to help me with something.”

I was instantly worried he had injured his back or something and went to try and help him up, asking, “What is it? What happened?”

He pulled his hand from behind his back and held up to me the ring and said, ” Would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man on earth and become my wife?”

Well,…..

OF COURSE I SAID YES! 😀

And I cried alot more. He slid the ring on my finger and we kissed and hugged. My mascara ran. The doorbell rang and his not to thrilled dad was there.

He came up and said a brief hello, for he was not happy about having to go out in the night after he was settled in and jump Adam’s car off.

Couldn’t blame him too much, but it was a weird way to meet your future father-in-law. Quick-zip!

They were gone and I was in the house all alone, saying prayers of thanks and waiting for the sound of the car in the drive.

20 minutes later he was back and we were headed for that Chinese!

We finished up the night with the perfect meal of spicy Chinese chicken curry and noodles, with a side of “prawn” crackers I had never heard of before but were awesome!

Never had anything felt more awesome than being there with him, getting officially engaged and learning all about our new home, my new new city and all the new family and surroundings life was now offering.

we topped it all off with a warm romantic fire popping and sizzling in the stove-fireplace, a glass or two of wine to celebrate…….AND……..

….A long skype session with my kids back home in the U.S!! LOL…..it was only 6:30pm there

A toe in the bath

I think my favourite saying is “In for a penny, in for pound” which simply means if you’re going to do something, bloody well do it good!! So after knowing that I’d fallen for Tammy, there was nothing left to do but to get a ticket to Texas!!!

Having not ever been to America before this was certainly going to be an amazing adventure, finally getting to meet Tammy after all this time! What an incredible few years it was proving to be, having nearly died in 2010 and then the separation with my ex after Christmas, moving out and leaving my children and then starting a new job!! My relationship with Tammy really was the cherry on top!! Never during that time did I ever doubt my sanity or think anything other than this was going to be fantastic!!

That’s the great advantage of Skype, we knew a boat load about each other as we had spent many hours talking and sharing our lives with one another.

Heathrow Terminal 5 – Come on!!!

Life is short and I want it to be sweet 🙂 Many of my friends and family were concerned about me, thinking that my trip to the states was some weird reaction to what had happened the previous year. They were half right 🙂 When you come close to dying you realise how fragile life is and that you can’t take one second of it for granted! Tammy living in Texas was no reason to avoid following my heart, it never felt wrong and so I went with the attitude, let’s dip the toe in the bath and see what happens.

As soon as we met, we kissed and it was a kiss like no other, it must have lasted a full 5 mins and it was sensational!! It was the middle of September and we’d be in a relationship for at least 5 months, so you can imagine how much pent up sexual tension there was lol.

Tammy drove me to her house and I got to meet her family 🙂 It was great to finally meet them all for real, it was a surreal moment but again it never felt wrong, I’d spoken to all of them on Skype many times and so it was seamless.

The next week Tammy and the kids shared their lives with me, it was a magic time! One of the highlights was when we all went to the drive in cinema and watched a couple of films with the seats all folded down and the tailgate open, Awesome!!

 The summer holidays were over and so Tammy took me to her University, where she is studying History and Religion as a mature student, I even got to sit in on her lectures, definitely my cuppa tea!

What was so nice was the feeling that we belong together, we are totally into the same things, of course we knew this before my trip to Texas, but there’s much more to a relationship than just sharing the same interests. It was a great relief to know and feel that everything felt right.

One of my favourite pictures

(left to right Maddison, yours truly, Tammy and Zoey)

Here’s another great memory of my visit.

One thing you need to understand about the US is it’s size!! The UK will fit into Texas approx. 3 times and so everyone drives just about everywhere in the US. Just the school run and a few trips to some local attractions accounted for just over a 1000 miles in one week!!!  So we had plenty of time for chatting, singing and wise crackin in the car.

(Centre is Alex 17, right is Ivory 13 and mid back seat is Maddie 10)

Bryant  11 – Super manga and pc artist!!

Zoey 6 (Peanut)

Ivory 13 (Pop Idol)

Rebecca (Tammy’s mum)

Pigeon (cutest dog on the planet)

Spending a week with Tammy and her wonderful family was one of the greatest weeks of my life and I’m so glad we decided to take a chance on each other 🙂

So there you have it, a brief description of my stay in Texas! Short but very, very sweet, I could write for ages and I still wouldn’t capture all of the fun we had or the feelings of happiness that we both felt. We both knew that we wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of our days together!

Adam x

Planning

    There was so much planning to do and as it is with most plans, they change. We have had to compromise and come up with back up plans and in the end,..we came up with a plan that worked…or at least has been blessed so far. I pray it continues to be so.

The first little bit of the journey was to mark our calendars. First, I marked mine for when I would have money to send his way to go towards a home for us that was going to be big enough for all. Two adults and seven children would eventually be ALL together.

Second, was the decision of which of my kids to take in the first round of the move overseas and which were to stay behind until I could obtain a job over in the UK to help more with expenses. As it stands, I cannot work for I go to school full time and then take care of my invalid grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. So, anytime I come into any money, I send it his way. I wish I could do more and he understands this.

I think the best days have been when I marked the calendar for him to come over, for when he moved into our new home where we would live and when I was counting down to fly overseas and spend 9 days with him and his family. 😀 😀

And now,..now I mark my calendar for our wedding!!!! WOOHOO!!! and for our final move over to be with him!!!

I will share some pictures of our lovely, happy home in King’s Lynn 🙂 xxx and also some pictures of my trip there to England.

Our visit to London took the shape of a London Bus tour and a stop was taken at the National Museum for Art, Picadilly Circus to see Eros, Trafalgar Square and Nelson’s Column.

Adam also gave me a tour of our new home in East Anglia, which consisted of trips to Wells next to Sea, Ely and it’s beautiful Cathedral, Cambridge and St John’s University, King’s Lynn town centre and Norwich city and of course our local seaside resort Hunstanton with Adam’s adorable kids Lewis and Jack xx

We shared an amazing time together and I hope you like the photo’s

Tammy x

 

The Promise.

Have you ever been lied to so many times that when you wanted to believe in something or someone it was very hard to believe them,..especially if you had been hurt by them?

Funny thing about this love,…NEVER,…NEVER,..have I ever felt like Adam was lying to me.

For the first time, I honestly know what it is like to have someone REALLY love me.

I have only ever felt that his heart was an open doorway to a world of honesty I have never known.

I am not going to lie and say I never worry I will lose him,…and worry alot is exactly what I do sometimes,…just because I simply have never had anything so wonderful as this,…that exceeds even what I had always thought I wanted. He goes beyond even the checklist I had made for myself.

How incredible is that?!

But he sees me and knows not all is right and even if I say otherwise,..he ducks his head to the side and looks at me like, “C’mon, Tammy…you’re fibbing….tell me what’s really going on.”

And I always do…lol….

I can see it in his eyes and he reads me like a book which is a running joke with us because he falls asleep every time he tries to read a book, so he doesn’t read much,…but he is working on that 😉 xx

But he reads me loud and clear!

I can’t escape even one small gesture and he is on the hook! He knows something is up and he instantly is on the case!

We had come to the decision to make a go of things for real when he came and visited. A month later,…that puts it about October 2011… he put it in black and white, and everyday there after he has put it in writing and proved it…minus two or three wobbles of fear which is too scarily painful for me to recall here…but he recovered…THANK GOD!

He was taking a bath one night and emailed me from his phone.

He started out by saying:

“Now that we sail in difficult waters, where the Sea tries it’s damnedest to claim another vessel, I thought of my promise to you.
Never have I connected with someone as beautiful as you Tammy, hence the voyage we are now embarking. Your beauty transcends the flesh, in purity and grace it engulfs me, like a wave of intense emotion; drenching my soul with love’s merry intoxications.
There has, and never will be, anyone like you Tammy, I know this and cherish your love dearly. You’ve touched me in many deep and moving ways, it’s like an awakening of the soul.”

He then followed that with:

“My promise to you is this, I will love you forever, I will respect you and consider you my loving equal, I will come for you and make you my wife. I want us to live a happy and fulfilling life together and thus I pledge to do everything in my powers to make this our reality. This promise to you is my living motivation and I’m dedicated to you, us and our families.
I know words are easy to say or write, but I mean every one of them and I will spend the rest of my life proving this to you.
Your loving nature has been abused in the past, but it’s found it’s match in me, never again will you find your love rejected or wasted.”

And I have held him to that promise and have held onto that promise ever sense.  I have made the same promise in return to him.

And I believe in him, because of his amazing love for me and how he has proved it…..and because of the amazing love he builds inside me.

Losing our Skype Cherries

No Escape

I remember emailing Tammy suggesting that we should take things to the next level and use Skype to talk and see each other, I felt that until we had done this we couldn’t really get to know each other, y’know ‘warts n all’. They say the camera never lies, well I’m not so sure of that these days with all the air brushing that goes on, but it’s definitely true of live video!!

There is no hiding place for your little idiosyncrasies when using a live video to communicate and I really wanted that face to face interaction with Tammy because of the intensity of our feelings for each other. Don’t get me wrong emails are great, especially with a time difference, (Texas is behind the UK by 6 hours!) and we use them many times daily; these tick the engine over until we get to speak over Skype usually after Tammy has returned from University or after the school run in the afternoon (Texas time).

I remember this email………

“Ebay have a usb video cam and integrated mic for a whopping 7 dollars, skype is free, sorted x”

What can I say? The first time we used Skype was amazing, emotional and perfect, we’d lost our Skype cherries lol and it was sensational, totally transforming our relationship, offering us credible chance at being a couple, way more than just good pen friends.

God knows how many hours we’ve spent on Skype talking to each and now other family members across the world, who’ve taken our experience and are using it to enjoy their relationships in different ways. We can’t recommend it enough and if you’ve never used it, well you’re missing a trick, video calls are totally free and it adds a beautiful dimension to calling your friends and family!!!

Without Skype I’m positive Tammy and I wouldn’t be where we are today, hence the shameless plug lol, we love it!!!

Adam x

The First Time We Said “Good”-Bye

I never have had to experience what most families do when their loved one is in the military and has to leave and for long periods of time. This relationship gave me a whole new perspective on that.

How do you love someone with your whole heart and send them away for indefinite amounts of time, with nothing but HOPE in your heart they will return and that you will not lose them.

All the feelings of fear that grip your heart and the anxiety is through the roof! You feel like you are reaching for something that you can never have……

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Adam ALWAYS assures me that it WILL happen, that he believes it and I,…well,…even when times are tough and I get worried and anxious alot,….I ALWAYS look into his green/golden-brown eyes and actually BELIEVE HIM.XXX

I told Adam to NEVER EVER say good-bye again! I hated good-bye’s….How on earth could they be called “GOOD”? It does not feel “good” to watch the person who fills your soul and lights you on fire and inspires your dreams to reality,…go away.

The first few days of the first week apart, after having known each other in ALL ways,…ways a deep emptiness. After a week or two, I was finding myself eating to try and fill a gap…then I became depressed for gaining weight and I shared all this via email and Skype with Adam. He is after all my best friend. I have said everything to him and share all my secrets and prayers..I had kissed his tears away and he had held me and kissed me through mine. We shared our fears and all our hopes and dreams.

WE HAVE COMMUNICATED MORE AND ARE CLOSER THAN MOST COUPLES WHO LIVE WITH EACH OTHER ON A DAILY BASIS!!!

He always is there for me. He always listens and talks with me and not just “TO” me. He keeps that sparkling eyed smile for me.

When he got back home we went right back to not being able to  wait to Skype again and read emails from each other. To this day we have over 3,000 emails between us and 10 months of Skype sessions…even homemade videos of cooking food to playing with our kids, to just sitting and talking to the camera videos…even maybe some racey scenes thrown in…enough for a few epic novels! hahaha….. Danielle Steele, watch out!!

Though I turn to God in prayer, because that is my source of religious hope,….Adam prays in his own way and though we are different, we respect each other’s thoughts on that and can share all we are without fear.

We have both cried separately and online when on Skype because we love each other so much and are separated by not just miles, but by bureaucratic red tape….otherwise known as visas.

I won’t go into that here, but I will later.

That picture above,…I was kissing my BEST FRIEND and BEST LOVE “good”-bye and felt the lousiest I had felt in a long time.

Here I had finally found this man,..a real PRINCE of a man,….honest, caring, considerate, generous, intelligent, wise, humble, patience of a SAINT  and yet so very passionate!

He lived  across the universe from me and I had 9 days of basking in the light of all I had known and had come to know of him. I was watching him walk away from me into the security baggage check to get on a plane and fly far, far away.

I had no smiles in me,..just tears. Even the kids were crying. It wasn’t just me,.. we all knew we loved him and he was going to be extreme amounts of missed!!

But,…not to end this on a sad note…….. 😦

We came to a firm decision that we were going to get married and move me and the kids there. There was NO DOUBT about it. IT WAS MEANT TO BE. Somehow, from across the universe,….our hearts had heard each other and whatever fairytale magic or angels from heaven assisted in pulling us literally together,…We both give thanks for every day! We do NOT take any of this for granted.

XXX